The Hardest Part

When you get pregnant, everyone bombards you with advice, warnings and helpful tips.  I LOVED all of the information and help thrown my way (although you do have to take each thing with a grain of salt...) but no one ever tells you about the hardest part.  They tell you about not getting any sleep, constantly changing diapers, a never ending state of mess (who knew you could clean all day and still go to bed with your house trashed?), basically always having someone else's bodily functions on you... but, THE HARDEST part is watching your baby grow up.

While Tripp was inside of me, I felt like my heart was his little umbrella.  I could protect him from anything and everything!  You would literally have to go through me to get to him. and I loved it!  I miss being pregnant!  I miss feeling his kicks and knowing that he was always right there!  Now that we are two separate people I feel like he has taken my heart, ripped it in half and is stretching his half as he grows.  I feel like I'm going to explode.  It hurts yet feels wonderful all at the same time!

I know that one day he will leave me.  He'll go on a mission, to college, travel, get married, etc. While he will always be my baby, I will not always get to cuddle with him, hold his tiny little hand, make him smile by being silly, or toss him in the air.  That is what hurts.  It's a deep hurt that will never go away.

On the flip side, it's the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I feel like I have found my place in this world through this tiny little man.  I love hearing him coo from his bedroom when he wakes up, I get excited when he has a dirty diaper because that means everything is working right, and I love watching him discover his hands!

To wrap up my thoughts, this is what I have found.  Being a mom is bittersweet.  You love your child so much it hurts.  You want to keep them young but watch them grow.  You try to hold their hands while teaching them to fly.  And, it's the most joyous struggle everyday.

Trying to eat his mat during tummy time!

His best friend 'Mr. Moose'