The Hardest Part

When you get pregnant, everyone bombards you with advice, warnings and helpful tips.  I LOVED all of the information and help thrown my way (although you do have to take each thing with a grain of salt...) but no one ever tells you about the hardest part.  They tell you about not getting any sleep, constantly changing diapers, a never ending state of mess (who knew you could clean all day and still go to bed with your house trashed?), basically always having someone else's bodily functions on you... but, THE HARDEST part is watching your baby grow up.

While Tripp was inside of me, I felt like my heart was his little umbrella.  I could protect him from anything and everything!  You would literally have to go through me to get to him. and I loved it!  I miss being pregnant!  I miss feeling his kicks and knowing that he was always right there!  Now that we are two separate people I feel like he has taken my heart, ripped it in half and is stretching his half as he grows.  I feel like I'm going to explode.  It hurts yet feels wonderful all at the same time!

I know that one day he will leave me.  He'll go on a mission, to college, travel, get married, etc. While he will always be my baby, I will not always get to cuddle with him, hold his tiny little hand, make him smile by being silly, or toss him in the air.  That is what hurts.  It's a deep hurt that will never go away.

On the flip side, it's the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I feel like I have found my place in this world through this tiny little man.  I love hearing him coo from his bedroom when he wakes up, I get excited when he has a dirty diaper because that means everything is working right, and I love watching him discover his hands!

To wrap up my thoughts, this is what I have found.  Being a mom is bittersweet.  You love your child so much it hurts.  You want to keep them young but watch them grow.  You try to hold their hands while teaching them to fly.  And, it's the most joyous struggle everyday.

Trying to eat his mat during tummy time!

His best friend 'Mr. Moose'

Baby Bliss

***Another post I forgot to publish***

5 October 2012
This blog post is long over due but... Tripp finally came!!!  Our little boy is 6 weeks old and growing like a weed.  It's hard to believe that a month and a half ago he was only 7lbs 6oz and is now over 10lbs.  Where has the time gone?

from thisto this!!!

 This is a picture from their website...
There was no snow on
the ground in August!  :)

Tripp came to us in a very peaceful way.  We decided to have him at the Juneau Family Health and Birth Center with midwifery care.  We started seeing the midwifes as soon as we got to Juneau and became very comfortable with the 4 midwives immediately.  There is a relaxed atmosphere in that building that is hard to find with the anticipation of a babies arrival.  I love the rooms that they have and the tools that they offer to help with labor pains.  My favorite part was the tub!

My labor was extremely long...  I was 'officially' in labor for 41 hrs and 50 min but really it was even longer than that.  They aren't counting the 7 hours before because I had four hours at night where the contractions stopped.  Needless to say, we were ready for him to come!  27 hours of my labor was spent in the 0-4 centimeter range and the contractions were mild, easy to get through, and allowed me to sleep.  Active labor started at 7 am on Wednesday morning.  If I had known then that 14 hours and 50 min later I would be holding my little boy, I think I would have been a little more relaxed...  For some reason I had this idea that I would go to the birth center and then a couple of hours later I would have my baby.  Boy was a wrong!  Labor truly was a process that prepared us for his arrival.  But... we were in for a long ride.

I spent the majority of labor in the tub.  I knew from the very beginning that the only way I was going to have him without medicine was if it was a water birth.  I have always found comfort in water and I now have a greater appreciation for its medicinal purposes.  As soon as I hit that warm water the pain lessened and I was able to focus more through the contractions.  This was essential because all of my labor pain was in my back.  Tripp refused to turn into an anterior position (meaning his back was against the outside of my stomach) but rather stayed posterior (his back to my back).  This is the cause of back labor.  I spent hours of labor (and days before labor) on my hands and knees trying to get him to turn.  He was just too stubborn!  The water allowed me to  move easily and it felt like all of the weight from my belly was lifted.  Basically, warm water is amazing!

Michael played a huge roll in bringing Tripp into this world.  Honestly, I could not have done it without him!  Simply having him touch my back or hold my hand reminded me that I was not in it alone.  He would sit in the tub with me, let me hang on his neck and sway, and stand in the shower aiming the shower head on my back.  The few times he left me (to eat, use the bathroom, etc.) I had our amazing Douala  Jesse, to help.  She was great at keeping me calm and reminding me to use my relaxation techniques.  She would also give Michael ideas to help with with my back labor.  It was so nice to have someone there completely dedicated to me who had done this before!  Jesse was also really great about keeping my energy up with food, Gatorade  and water.  I sure appreciated that energy in the end!

The first baby & daddy snuggle time!
8-22-12

The hardest part of my labor was at 5-7cm.  At this point, all of my dilation had occurred manually by the midwives.  I was feeling like my body could not dilate on its own and that labor was never going to end.  I had been in labor for over 30 hours at this point I was ready to go to the hospital and get an epidural.  Going into labor, I was never against having an epidural.  I know lots of women who have had medicine to help with labor and they and their babies have done fine.  Having Tripp naturally was something I wanted to do but I knew I was not going to cut myself off from other options.  At this point I knew I could  have Tripp without medicine but I didn't want to do it.  My only concern was for Tripp.  I knew that posterior babies cause prolonged labor (which I was officially in) which leads to a higher chance of a C-section.  I did not want a C-section unless absolutely necessary and I would have a hard time if I thought my 'giving-up' led to it.  Michael was a great help in reminding me that my body knew what to do and that I just needed to give it time.  When Kaye, the midwife who delivered Tripp, checked my progress again I had dilated to a 7 on my own!  That gave me the confidence to keep going.

9/18/12

Looking back now, a month after delivering Tripp, I'm so glad I decided to have him naturally.  My recovery went very smoothly and I was out and about within two weeks.  Tripp loves going on walks in the fresh air while snuggled close to me.  Tripp has been able to hold his head up since he was born and has always been extremely alert.  All of those reasons aside, I am most grateful for my birthing decision because of the confidence it has given me as a mother.  During labor I learned to trust my body and my instincts which has given me the confidence to trust my instincts with Tripp.  I now firmly believe that a mother knows what is best for her baby as long as she listens and trusts in herself, her baby and the Lord.

8/24/12

I love my new little family.  We are so happy!  Tired... but happy!  I'm grateful everyday for the wonderful birth experience I had and the beautiful baby boy I get to spend everyday for the next 18 years with!  I know now, more than ever, that Michael loves me and that I love him.  I will always be grateful for his companionship and the love he showed me on that special day.  How amazing is the Lord!  

8/25/12

Enjoy the photo dump!!!

Bath Time!  It was a hit!

8/31/12

Sleepy Baby

Tripp loves to sleep...
even when I'm trying to changes his diaper!
8-29-12

  

Sleeping with his hands in his face
9/4/12

Driving the Boat with Daddy!

9/8/12

Life in the chair...

9/22/12

9/21/12

He has a thing for noses... And Daddy

On our way to Idaho!
10/1/12

They can't get enough of each other!
9/26/12                    

Kisses, kisses and more kisses!
9/28/12

Why would you have a nose if I can't eat it?!
9/25/12

                         

Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

**Realized I never published this!!  Sorry, it's about 3 months over due...***

13 August 2012

The other day Michael asked if he could go fishing this morning.  He promptly began to tell me that he would be in cell phone range and could get back to shore (and to me) within 30 min of a call.  I just looked at him and said, "You could fly to Alabama and back for all I care.  This baby is never coming out."

I officially hit my due date on Wednesday but my body is telling me that nothing is going to happen before, on or even near that day.  I've had very little cramping and what little I have had is from scrubbing the floor or rolling in the wrong direction.  To make it even worse... I feel great!  Yeah, I'm tired all of the time and could eat a cow at every meal, but my joints are working fine and the little guy isn't bothering me at all (except for an occasional jab in the bladder).  At least if I felt awful I would know something was about to happen!

I go back to the midwives on Wednesday to get 'checked out'.  This past Wednesday I had had no progress and my hopes for this week are very low.  Kaye (one of the midwives and founder of the Birth Center) said that I would probably go a week over... maybe more.  That would be fine if she hadn't also told me the 'little' guy is about 8 pounds already!!!  8 pounds!!!  Which means if I go a week over he could be close to 9 pounds!!! Never in my life have I hoped so much that a person (especially one who is in charge of keeping me and my baby safe) was wrong.  All of the midwives (there are 4 at the birth center  keep telling me that as long as I'm not over indulging in milk and fatty food, my body wont produce a baby that I can't birth... but really?! 9 pounds?! No way...

That being said, my days are spend on my yoga ball trying to bounce this guy out of me.  I hardly do anything but eat, bounce, sleep and ready baby books.  Two days ago I finally decided I needed to get showered and dressed to take a picture of the baby bump because it had been too long.  It was a whole day process with a few naps in between but I was finally put together by the time Michael got off of work.

Well, if nothing else I know the little guy will be here for sure in two weeks.  Thank goodness for that!  Wish us luck!

Pregnancy and all its Glory...

Oh pregnancy... What a bittersweet thing!  You have someone growing inside of you that you love SO MUCH yet you hate the way you feel...

My pregnancy has been relatively easy by just about everyone's standards.  I think the hardest part was getting over the shock of actually being pregnant!  

It all began on December 17th.  Michael was taking a final that night, but after that we only had one paper left on the New Testament (a class we took together).  That fall semester I had been extremely tired and sick so we had taken a pregnancy test once before in November.  I came back negative like it should have (thank you birth control!) and we moved on with our lives.  But that night, after Michael had suggested several times earlier in the week, I took another test.  Well, actually I took three...

My first thought was, "what does this even mean?! I can't be pregnant!"  Then I paced around the apartment for 2 hours to wait for Michael to get done with his final.  When it was finally time for me to go get him from campus I had to be extra careful not to cry, pass out or speed on the drive up the road.  I made it to the parking lot alive and waited another 10 excruciating minutes for him to come out (the boy loves to talk!).  When I can see him coming in the rear view mirror and all of the panic starts again and I can hardly breath.  He jumps into the car, I ask him how his final went, act like I'm listening when he tells me  how long and hard it was, and then I dump the bomb shell.  The conversation went a little like this:

"Michael, I finally took those pregnancy tests... We're having a baby."
 "What?"
"I'm pregnant."
*silence, tears, and hugging followed*

After the shock had worn off that night, we decided it would be best to tell our families at Christmas.  Honestly, I knew my mom would have a heart attack if we did it any other way.  Our friends Kailey and Jeff were the only ones who got to share in our exciting news while still in Rexburg.

Once both families were in the loop I had to start thinking about doctors appointments.  All I can say is thank goodness for babycenter.com!  That site has basically walked me through this pregnancy.  My first appointment was on January 11th at Madison Women's Clinic in Rexburg, ID.  There they confirmed that I was pregnant and about 9 weeks along putting my due date on Aug 15th.  (side note: the first pregnancy test I took in November, remember the one that came back negative?, well... I was actually pregnant...)

baby boy at 9 wks

I knew that I wanted a more natural birth plan than the one being set up in Idaho.  So, when we were thinking about moving to Alaska for the summer the first thing I did was look up birthing facilities.  The Juneau Family Birth Center was a no brainier.  Here I can have the natural birth I want with close access to the hospital if I need it!  The midwives here are great and love our little baby.  They always have a student midwife with them at our appointments because the baby is so easy to find and you can easily feel his little body parts with your hands.  Let's just say, this guy is just like his dad!  Loves to be in the spotlight   :)

All in all, we're so excited!  This little boy is making us so happy and we haven't even met him yet.  With one month to go till our due date, we're busy getting ready for his big entrance into the world.  Wish us good luck!!!!

he's a boy! 22wks

First Trimester:

* comma like tiredness

* only ate fruit!!

* minimal morning sickness (although, when it hit I wanted to die)

* no body pains

* still fit into all of my clothes!

* felt the baby kick at 12 weeks

Second Trimester:

* tiredness was gone and I felt good!

* my belly started to pop

* no food cravings

* no morning sickness at all

* still fit into my clothes with the help of a belly band and hair elastic

33wks 6 days

Third Trimester:

* My clothes DO NOT fit

* I will fall asleep in the middle of a conversation

* snoring has become a new norm (sorry Michael!)

* I'm huge

* I only want to eat milkshakes        

* I'm a mess of hormone ridden attitudes (again, sorry Michael!)

* my feet and hands swell if I walk for too long

* my heals hurt when standing

* and I'm ready to have a baby...

Things I miss about not being pregnant:                              

* wearing my wedding rings

* being able to roll over in bed

* having the energy to keep the house clean

* not having public bathrooms as my second home

* not having to persuade a little someone that my rib isn't a foot rest

* being in control of my emotional status

* getting to eat what I want, when I want, without worrying it will hurt the person inside of me! I miss coke!

Little feet!

Things I LOVE about being pregnant:

* the baby!

* feeling his little kicks, elbows, hiccups, ect.

* when I do cave into my milkshake desire, everyone looks at you with understanding in their eyes

* dreaming about what my little guy will look like

* shopping for cute little boy things

* the excitement in Michael's eyes!

The Alaskan Dream

I've procrastinated blogging for far too long.  I'm ashamed to say I even created an account (about 5 months ago) so that I could stalk other peoples blogs more easily!  But this obsessed 'blog follower' needs to join the bandwagon and start writing herself.  Here goes nothing!


Life in Alaska has been so amazing.  For those who don't know, we moved to Juneau at the beginning of May to work for the summer.  Michael is driving for Alaska Coach Tours and LOVING it.  Basically he gets to talk to and entertain people all day long... something he was born to do.  The best part is the people are locked on his coach and can't run away! He has learned a slew of interesting facts about the city and the wildlife it has.  It's so fun to drive down the road with him and learn about the eagles, bears and buildings all around me.  


I am working for a company called Wings Airways.  They are a float plane company that flies around the Taku, Noris, Hole-in-the-Wall, East Twin and West Twin glaciers.  One of their tours stops at the historic Taku Lodge where you get to enjoy a salmon feast.  Honestly people, it is the best salmon there is on earth!  They catch it every other day (extremely fresh!), brush it with butter, and cook it for you on an outside grill.  ***For reference on how good the food is, go find Paula Deen's February 2011 magazine and you'll see a two page spread on the Lodge... I love Paula Deen... ***
After the salmon feast is prepared, the staff at the lodge sprays the grill off and the bears come to enjoy the drippings.  Yes, I did say bears.  On my first trip out there, a bear sprinted across the front yard to enjoy the salmon flavored water while we were eating.  On my second trip, a little black bear was hanging out in a tree just waiting for everyone to go inside so he could have the grill to himself. So fun!

The plane that took me to the Lodge

Our little Black Bear friend

Although the lodge is a blast (and I wish I could spend everyday out there), I spend most of my days on the docks where the cruise ships come in.  Every hour I head down to the docks, collect the people going on our tour and bring them back to our office.  
***One benefit of being pregnant is that angry tourist don't say much to me!  I think they realize that it wouldn't go over too well for them...***
I absolutely love all of the people I work with.  The girls in the office work so hard to get every departure out on time and our rampies and pilots are simply amazing at what they do.  I truly am blessed to have such wonderful coworkers!  

View from the flight of Juneau

Alaska still has its challenges.  First is the weather.  On a nice day here you can't find a more beautiful place on earth.  The mountains are stunning, the glaciers breath taking and the wildlife is so abundant.  But, those nice days are far and few between.  In May, 29 out of the 31 days were rainy.  In June we saw our first sunny and warm days but even they only lasted a three day span!  You would not believe the number of people with sun burns.  I think everyone was just too stubborn to by sunscreen because they knew they'd never use it again.  I have heard from the locals that this is one of the rainiest and coldest summers they can remember.  At least I know this weather was saved especially for us...  Everyday I have tourists ask me, "Are we really flying in this weather?!" (mind you, that simply means overcast with misty rain). I simply tell them, if we didn't fly in this weather, we would never fly... Over cast has become the new norm in my life.

One of the few clear days on record

The second challenge has been the fishing.  Poor Michael.  He goes just about every day he has off from work to try and catch one measly fish.  At the beginning of the summer he was shooting big and wanted to hook an Alaskan King Salmon.  That dream has been pushed to the side and now he doesn't even care if it's a salmon at all.  Please keep Michael and his fishing in your prayers.


Well, I think this post is good for now!  Next time I'll catch up on the pregnancy and how the little guy is doing!


Love, 
Madi